_ _ _ _ _

Now this is just too good.

2006-11-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

A press release from Wal-Mart...

Even Presidential Candidates Agree: Wal-Mart is the Best Place to Shop for Hot Electronics Items this Christmas Season

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Nov. 16, 2006 – Just like the millions of Americans who turn to their neighborhood Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT) for their holiday shopping needs, Wal-Mart announced today that former Sen. John Edwards is seeking to be one of the first to get a Sony PlayStation3, one of the most coveted holiday gift items this Christmas season.

Yesterday, a staff person for former Sen. Edwards contacted a Wal-Mart electronics manager in Raleigh, North Carolina to obtain a Sony PlayStation3 on behalf of the Senator’s family. Later that night, Sen. Edwards reportedly re-told a homespun story to participants of a United Food and Commercial Workers (UFCW) union-sponsored call about how his son had chided a fellow student for purchasing shoes at Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart welcomes Sen. Edwards to visit his local Wal-Mart store and explore the extensive line of home electronics as well the wide array of apparel for men and boys. The Company noted the PlayStation3 is an extremely popular item this Christmas season, and while the rest of America’s working families are waiting patiently in line, Senator Edwards wants to cut to the front.

While, we cannot guarantee that Sen. Edwards will be among one of the first to obtain a PlayStation3, we are certain Sen. Edwards will be able to find great gifts for everyone on his Christmas list – many at Wal-Mart’s “roll-back prices.”

Apocalypse: Now

2006-11-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

Ebay's current "It" item is the Playstation3, which hit stores today. The $600 console was selling for as much as $3,050 as of 12:27 p.m.

2006-10-05T01:57:00.000-05:00

Chicken Noodle Soup

The dance craze that is SWEEPING THE NATION, according to BET. And Meagan.

(Harlem kids is crazy.)

And the winner is...

2006-09-25T15:37:00.000-05:00

DWI Checkpoint Results

A Driving While Impaired checkpoint was held on Friday, September 22, 2006 on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, north of Estes Drive. The checkpoint began at 11:00 P.M. and concluded at 3:00 A.M. The checkpoint was joint effort among local and state law enforcement. The following agencies participated: Chapel Hill Police, Carrboro Police, UNC Public Safety, Burlington Police, Orange County Sheriff’s Department, and the North Carolina Highway Patrol. The BAT Mobile, provided by the Governor’s Highway Safety Commission, was on site.

The checkpoint resulted in 88 charges, as listed below:

Driving While Impaired - 11
Provisional Licensee (under the age of 21) – 3
Inspection Violation - 27
Expired Registration - 13
No Operator’s License - 12
Driving While License Revoked - 10
Failure to Carry License - 5
Tinted Window Violation - 2
Not Wearing Seatbelt - 2
Illegal U-turn - 1
Borrow/lend registration plate – 2

FYI

2006-09-22T11:51:00.000-05:00

The Chapel Hill Police Department will be conducting a DWI Checkpoint on Friday, September 22, 2006.
This is a joint effort among law enforcement agencies in Orange and Alamance Counties and the North Carolina Highway Patrol. The BAT (Blood Alcohol Testing) Mobile, provided by the Governor’s Highway Safety Commission, will also be on site.

Being on the CHPD listserv is the best. If you booze, you lose.

2006-09-17T22:57:00.000-05:00

Prince - Kiss

No explanation. Just bat-shit crazy.

Why they always gotta make us feel bad 'bout stealin' stuff from the Internets?

2006-09-15T16:31:00.000-05:00

Looks like YouTube is about to get its butt sued...

NEW YORK, Sept 13 (Reuters) - Universal Music Group, the world's biggest record company, is stepping up pressure against popular online sites YouTube and MySpace, accusing them of infringing the copyrights of its artists' music videos.

Universal chief executive Doug Morris described video site YouTube and News Corp.'s social networking site MySpace as "copyright infringers" during a Merrill Lynch investors' conference speech on Tuesday that was closed to the press.

"The poster child for (user-generated media) sites are MySpace and YouTube," said Morris, according to a transcript obtained by Reuters. "We believe these new businesses are copyright infringers and owe us tens of millions of dollars."

My humps, my humps my humps my humps...

2006-09-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

That looks weird when you write it out like that. The point is, Fergie has moved away from the unlistenable ("My Humps") to the danceable ("London Bridge") and she is still really hot. If I went to clubs, this song would get me to hit the dance floor faster than a camel with a snaggletooth. And since I still haven't figured out how to post audio players, you'll just have to check it out on the Hype Machine. Or turn on the radio at any point in the day. Also, here's a picture that untangles the song's deep sensual metaphors.

Viva la blog!

.08? C'mon!

2006-09-07T12:33:00.000-05:00

Hollywood police stopped PARIS HILTON for "driving erratically" early this morning as the heiress made her way home from a charity event in her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. A breath test revealed Hilton's blood-alcohol to be .08 percent -- just above the legal limit. She was charged with suspicion of a misdemeanor DUI and subsequently released.

"The officers observed that Hilton exhibited the symptoms of intoxication," police officer I. Isabella said in a statement. "A field sobriety test was conducted at [the] scene, and the officers determined she was driving under the influence."

Hilton's spokesman, Elliot Mintz, confirmed the arrest and said, "She's absolutely fine. She didn't appear in the least bit to be intoxicated." Mintz insists she had only a margarita earlier in the evening and that her alcohol level was "probably the result of an empty stomach and working all day and being fatigued."

-Rolling Stone

2006-09-06T07:48:00.000-05:00

Have you SEEN the trailer for "The Departed"?

Good Lord. This looks like the best. movie. ever.

Sept. 5 09:15 - Jim decides to write a blog post

2006-09-05T08:19:00.000-05:00

Sept. 5 09:13 - Harry alerts Jim to new the Facebook design, a facelift, as it is called, in which all Facebook activity is cataloged and posted to his user profile. Dates and times noted. Jim scans his Internet life over the past several weeks...

Derek Howles tagged Jim in six photos. 6:23pm
Tagged in:
More Spring Break 2006 - 34 Photos

Jim wrote on Sarah Humphries' wall. 12:11pm

Jim edited Profile Picture on his profile. 12:10pm
September 2

Jim wrote on Sarah Moran's wall. 5:49pm
September 1

Jim plans to attend Diversions Kickoff Party. 1:13pm
August 26

Kristen KDUB Williams tagged Jim in nine photos. 5:05pm
Tagged in:
Summers Over - 40 Photos

August 25

Britney Tabor tagged Jim in a photo. 8:48am
Tagged in:
New York Son - 60 Photos

August 24

Jim wrote on Kristen KDUB Williams' wall. 6:41pm

Jim wrote on Rachel Brody's wall. 6:35pm
August 23

Jim wrote on Margaret Hair's wall. 9:29pm

Sept. 5 09:14 - Jim and Harry carry on an amusing AIM conversation in which they discuss a loss of innocence and privacy and bemoan the new changes. It is decided that Facebook has gone too far, but neither man can look away. It is furthermore decided that Jim and Harry are glad that Facebook does not yet have the ability or inclination to record and post individual search logs. Jim is glad that no one is yet aware of the fact he searches "Jim Walsh" at least three times a day. Sometimes four.

Sept. 5 09:15 - Jim decides to write a blog post. Shortly thereafter he realizes that he has spilled the beans about his narcissistic search habits. He does a spell check and presses "Publish Post."

R.I.P., Steve.

2006-09-04T14:18:00.000-05:00

''The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet,'' Stainton told reporters in Cairns, Australia. ''He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!'''

- Steve Irwin's friend and colleague John Stainton

He did a lot of good work and was, by all accounts, a great guy. While my inclination is to say, "If you play with fire, you get burned," I can't help but feel bad for a man who projected nothing but positivity.

Pot-smoking mayor casts vote for 'Hips'

2006-08-30T15:30:00.000-05:00

I love this guy...

New York City mayor MICHAEL BLOOMBERG appeared on MTV's TRL yesterday to cast his vote for SHAKIRA's "Hips Don't Lie" clip in the Video Music Awards' Video of the Year category. "I think I'm going to have to go with Shakira," Bloomberg said. "Those hips don't lie."

-Rolling Stone

Best. Headline. Ever

2006-08-29T18:05:00.000-05:00

Ivy League professor in third sex pinch in 11 years.

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) -- An Ivy League professor has been arrested for the third time in 11 years on child sex charges, in this case over video that allegedly shows him engaging in sex acts with boys.

Because of the charges, L. Scott Ward, a professor emeritus at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business, was being stripped of his teaching assignments, spokeswoman Lori N. Doyle said Tuesday.

"We have made arrangements to ensure that he will not be teaching at the Wharton School or elsewhere at the University this semester and he will not teach at Penn in the future," Doyle said of the retired professor.

Ward, 63, was arrested Sunday after arriving at Washington's Dulles airport on a flight from Brazil, federal authorities said. He drew the attention of federal agents because of his unusual number of trips to Thailand, a destination for people seeking sex with minors, according to an affidavit released Monday.

Note: Unlike headlines, molestation is never funny. Neither is sex trading.

Good News Bad News

2006-08-27T22:05:00.000-05:00

Jeremy Piven won an Emmy. Ari got fired. Same night. Crazy.

Roman Candle + Cat's Cradle = Awesome.

2006-08-26T13:42:00.000-05:00

First show I've been to at Cat's in like a year. Man, I missed that place.

Lazy Post

2006-08-23T18:42:00.000-05:00

From Rolling Stone, interesting news today...

NEW PARIS HILTON VIDEO BANNED IN INDIA

The "sexual connotations" of PARIS HILTON's debut music video, "Stars Are Blind," have earned it an "Adult" tag from India's Central Board of Film Certification, banning it from every television channel in the country. "We had edited the video and sent a fresh copy, but they weren't happy with that," said EMI Virgin's manager of international A&R Narenda Kusnur.

MODEST MOUSE ALBUM GETS A RELEASE DATE

As Rolling Stone first reported in Rock & Roll Daily (http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily), MODEST MOUSE are readying their newest album, "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank," which the band just announced will hit shelves December 19th. Rock legend/former Smiths guitarist JOHNNY MARR joined the group for recording sessions at Sweet Tea Studios in Oxford, Mississippi, and is now, according to MM frontman ISAAC BROCK, a full-fledged member of the band. Brock, Marr and company plan to tour later this year, although the only Modest Mouse performance that's been announced so far is a November 11th stand at the Bang! Festival in Miami, alongside DURAN DURAN, DAFT PUNK and GNARLS BARKLEY.

Little Miss Sunshine

2006-08-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

Stacked high enough, even tough shit becomes a source of comfort, and it eventually makes you who you are.

That is the guiding premise behind "Little Miss Sunshine," a sharp indie comedy about a broken-down family scrambling to get its youngest female member to a California beauty pageant.

The film has gotten rave reviews at festivals across the country, and the LA Daily News reported this week that its limited release "is being propelled into wide release over the next two weekends faster than planned because of sensational business." It’s even outdoing "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

The story begins in New Mexico, where 9-year-old Olive has just learned she’s a finalist for a beauty contest, an event for which she and her drug-addled grandfather have been doggedly preparing. Meanwhile, her father is at wit’s end trying to score a motivational book deal and her mother is running out of money and patience as she picks up a dirty smoking habit. Uncle Frank (Steve Carell), a gay literature professor, is thrust into the family after having been put on suicide watch, and he is perplexed by the fact that Olive’s brother, Dwayne, has taken a vow of silence (apparently because he hates everybody).

Normally, a detailed exposition such as this would be superfluous, but in "Sunshine" it is the details that take center stage.

The family, hoping to save what little money they have left, hop in a broken-down Volkswagen Van and head to the pageant. Along the way, wounds are reopened, misery finds company, and in the depths of tragedy there is found sunshine. Just like life.

As the film is rolled out with a glow that outshines its "shit happens" message, priceless one-liners and visual gags are sprinkled amongst serious expositions. It's a technique that keeps the audience on its toes. (Just when you think it’s all right to cry, screenwriter Michael Arndt reminds you it’s only a comedy, particulary with the film’s climactic and genius ending.)

Although some scenes are overly twee (One between Uncle Frank and Dwane takes place on a windy dock as the two discuss Proust.), for the most part syrupy sentiments take a back seat to thoughtful observations that actually develop the story.

Directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris have delivered a "National Lampoons" vacation for the jaded generation, which isn’t afraid to see both the good and the bad in a summer movie. Although their formula is the same – goofy dad takes rag tag family on lengthy roadtrip where nothing goes right – their film goes where Chevy Chase and company never did. Instead of hinting at the rifts and bonds that were the basis for those jokes, this film takes them head on.

Aided by a soundtrack as beautiful as its fuzzed cinematography, "Sunshine" is a welcome chance to laugh at the moments that under normal circumstances would be enough to make grown men cry.

R.I.P. ?

2006-08-16T16:32:00.000-05:00

Today is the 29th anniversary of the death of the King (of Rock).

Elvis Aaron Presley

Jan. 8, 1935 – Aug. 16, 1977

Rock bottom or the rock of ages?

2006-08-14T20:35:00.000-05:00

The Altanta-based Crunk outfit El Pus has a song about doing what you do how you do it on their 2005 album, Hoodlum Rock, Vol 1. It is called “Thing Thing,” and it is an aural monument to all things hedonistic. (Chorus excerpt below).

You can quit your day job chasin' pipe dreams
You can wail on the mic like a siren
You can front like you don’t like what I mean
But whatever you do, do ya' thing thing.

I found myself thinking about that song last Saturday when, for the second time in two days, I found myself sitting in an East Village karaoke bar. At 4 o’clock in the morning. With yet another Stella Artois in hand. As the bar’s patrons let slip drunken renditions of “Clocks” and “Jesse’s Girl,” one lyric was buzzing in my brain…

You can wail on the mic like a siren.

You can wail on the mic like a siren.

You can wail on the mic like a siren.

You can wail on the mic like a siren.

And you could. At Sing Sing Karaoke Bar, located at 9 St. Marks Place (Between 2nd and 3rd Avenues), you could sing whatever the hell you wanted to sing until 4 a.m. For $2 a song. And they even gave you a microphone.

It was awful.

Or at least that’s what I thought at first glance. And, actually, at second glance. But when I thought about it a little more, and when I sobered up, the place started to grow on me. Karaoke is against my principles. I think it’s sad that more than a few people were there with only their deflated dreams and a microphone to keep them company. But I’m still a fan.

I’m a fan of seeing a troupe of sorority girls blowing off some steam -- and possibly burning off some blow -- as they sing a sloppy rendition of “Jump.” Or a rather large, bald, white man with a waxed mustache singing a rather good (and thunderous) version of “New York, New York.” And chorus lines. People do a lot of those at karaoke bars too.

But mainly I’m a fan of seeing my friends having a good time. And no matter what amount of hell it was to sit through everyone else’s singing, there’s just nothing better than listening to Robbie, Emily and Kristen sing what seemed to be the entire score of the Broadway musical “Rent” over the course of two days.

Especially when it’s technically after 4 a.m. one night and the bar is closing up and one of those people, who shall remain nameless, bribes the bartender with a crumpled pile of dollar bills he found in his pockets that amounted to $14.

That version of “Light My Candle,” it sounded seven times as good.

Israel and Hezbollah join forces ... to slow aid to Lebanese civilians

2006-08-10T13:15:00.000-05:00

From the BBC:

The UN's top humanitarian official has criticised Israel and Hezbollah for hindering access to southern Lebanon, calling the situation a "disgrace".

Jan Egeland said both sides could give aid agencies access in a "heartbeat". Hospitals in south Lebanon are also said to be low on food and fuel.

The warning came amid more violence across the Israel-Lebanon border.

2006-08-09T21:57:00.000-05:00

SOME LIKE IT HOT

OK, so Will already talked about this movie on his blog. But I just saw it this weekend, and I have to share it. Read the summary on IMDB. It's definitely a laugh-out-loud kinda comedy. Also, Marilyn Monroe has ginormous breasts.

Long time no blog = Movie Updates

2006-08-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

First, this is a really interesting story from the New York Times (if you haven't guessed, my only other news outlet next to the DTH). It's about marketing American movies abroad and all the crazy stuff you have to take into consideration. For example, it's apparently illegal to advertise American films on French television. And don't even think about opening your movie within days of the World Cup. Also, Japanese people think Batman lacks character depth, but they appreciate his brute strength.

Second, this is a really great story about Long Island native Anthony Piccininni, who stars in Oliver Stone's "World Trade Center," which opens tomorrow. It was written by someone who seems really smart, and it has a quote from Nicolas Cage.

Third, this is a really annoying Web site hyping "Snakes on a Plane." It's actually pretty funny and I credit Fonvielle for finding it. The best customization option you can choose is "military." If you do so, Sam Jackson tells you to quit "riskin' yo life for a government paycheck" and go see "Snakes on a Plane," which opens Aug. 18. (As if you didn't already know that.)

Avalon on the outs?

2006-08-04T10:51:00.000-05:00

Following a July 29 incident in which a man was shot and killed outside Avalon night club in Chapel Hill, bringing to 25 the number of police calls to the locale in the past 15 months, the Chapel Hill police chief has recommended that the club get the boot. I wanted to post the whole memo (Smoking Gun Style), but I could only figure out how to do the first page. It's all very juicy.

2006-08-02T20:28:00.000-05:00

OK Go - Here It Goes Again

OK Go? Who knew.

Hot Scoop

2006-08-02T19:57:00.000-05:00

So there's this new phone out from Verizon Wireless that looks like an iPod and can hold up to 1,000 songs. I read a really good article about it that was written by a guy who seems really smart.

Those L.A. cops is crazy!

2006-08-01T14:36:00.000-05:00

Days after Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies picked up a drunk Mel Gibson and allegedly tried to keep hush hush his anti-Semitic remarks, the Los Angeles Times reported that the L.A.P.D. has reopened a nearly decade-old murder mystery surrounding Notorious B.I.G.

The beefed-up Los Angeles Police Department probe comes in the wake of a wrongful-death lawsuit against the city of Los Angeles by the rapper's mother, Voletta Wallace, and other relatives. Whatever new evidence the police turn up could bolster the city's contention that LAPD officers played no role in the rapper's death. Wallace maintains they did.

If you're not reading about this, you need to be...

2006-07-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

Israel Halts Air Raids After Dozens Die; Casualties Include Many Children

The Commercial Viability of “Death”

2006-07-27T19:01:00.000-05:00

OK. The whole skull craze. You might have read about it or maybe you've seen some Hot Topic hipsters sporting the new "underground" design. Basically, the fad picked up about a year ago with a few custom T-shirts and then it just ballooned out of control. This New York Times article about the madness that ensued is pretty funny.

If it was not clear a year or two ago, when the skull motif cropped up on battered Herman-Melville-meets-Edgar-Allan-Poe T-shirts made by Rogues Gallery, on costly cashmere sweaters by Lucien Pellat-Finet, on the perforated uppers of the wingtips made by the men’s wear line Barker Black, it is now. What only recently seemed clever and stylish — I’m wearing a skull! I’m baaaaad! — has shifted into overdrive, if not overkill.

Beyond the sea of skull wear — belts, T-shirts, ties — there are umbrellas, sneakers, swimsuits, packing tape, party lights, even a skull-branded line of hand tools. One company has made a skull toilet brush and caddy (with a molded-plastic femur bone for a handle). This summer Damien Hirst announced that he will make a life-size skull, cast in platinum and adorned with 8,000 diamonds.

If it seems harmless, well, there you have it. With the full force of the American consumer marketing establishment behind it, the skull has lost virtually all of its fearsome outsider meaning. It has become the Happy Face of the 2000’s. When the mid-1980’s proto-Goth group the Ministry sang “Every Day Is Halloween,” this was not quite what they had in mind.

The best parts are the hipster quotes. Some of them are pretty shook up that their precious skull has become a joke.

Song of summer, go!

2006-07-26T19:34:00.000-05:00

Justin Timberlake - SexyBack [TRL Premiere Full Video]

The difference an angle makes.

2006-07-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

Two of today's news stories, both alike in dignity, reveal two different truths about the Iraqi Prime Minister's visit with President Bush yesterday.

This one, which suggests the Prime Minister is more degrees from Kevin Bacon than he is from Hezbollah, paints a negative picture about Iraq's refusal to condemn the fighters in Lebanon. The part about his ties to what the White House has dubbed a terrorist organization is at the bottom.

This one, which is more of a press conference story, focuses on Iraq and suggests that things aren't great there, but at least they're getting better.

Same event. Two completely different meanings. Man, I should never have taken that Comm class.

You've got your ball, you've got your chain.

2006-07-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

This story about how the principals in "Crash" are still awaiting full payment after their Oscar-winning movie banked $180 million around the world is pretty interesting. Though it is sorta disheartening to hear one agent describe his client's $19,000 payment for a one-time job as "offensive" when the median household income in America is about $44,000.

Gossip. Who doesn't love it?

2006-07-24T19:14:00.000-05:00

I wrote a story as a sidebar to one Newsday ran about Christie Brinkley on Sunday. It was, for obvious reasons, cut. The lede is posted here just for kicks. Just think what could have been.

Sometimes even the best isn't good enough.

Just ask Peter Cook, whose wife, supermodel Christie Brinkley, announced last week that she was seeking a separation only days before revelations of Cook's alleged affair with a teenager.

The gossip has left some wondering why he — or anyone — would ever cheat on a supermodel.

And in case you're like me and don't know much about Christie Brinkley, check out her Wikipedia page or Google any New York Post articles. She used to be married to Billy Joel. She was the "Uptown Girl."

Truth stranger than fiction

2006-07-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a surprise stop Beirut today, and you have to read this New York Times story for two reasons:

(1) It's at least the third time I can remember when the Bush administration has done the ol' surprise diplomatic visit, like they're getting some weird sense of satisfaction from saying to the world: "Gotcha! Bet you thought we weren't gonna do that!"

(2) The following excerpt concerning Americans abroad who have been trying to get out of the war-torn region and happened to run into an assistant to the Secretary of State is just too crazy to pass up ...

During a refueling stop in Shannon, Ireland, Ms. Rice’s aides ran into a tired and angry group of Americans who had been evacuated from Lebanon and were trying to get home, but their plane, which stopped in Shannon, had broken down.

Some of the Americans recognized Karen Hughes, the assistant secretary of state for public diplomacy. Within minutes she was surrounded by the group, who said they had been traveling for five days and had been at the airport for 24 hours.

“I am so sorry,” she said, sitting at a bar drinking wine.

You can't even make that stuff up. Oh, and these are the other times I can think of that the White House has played the diplomatic magician card with a surprise appearance somewhere abroad. Got any others?

July 24, 2006
Rice stops in Beirut en route to Israel.

June 14, 2006
Bush makes surprise visit to Iraq, surprising even Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki until the last possible moment.

November, 2003
Bush makes surprise visit to Baghdad to buck up the troops' morale on Thanksgiving.

Really? Again!?

2006-07-23T14:36:00.000-05:00

PARIS -- Floyd Landis won the Tour de France on Sunday, keeping cycling's most prestigious title in American hands for the eighth straight year.

Americans are good at riding bicycles in other countries. Of the 21 Tours de France, we've won 11. And this story is pretty cool because Landis sounds so much like Lance, which reminds me of Lance Armstrong. Though some have warned not to "get duped by the doper," Armstrong's 7-win contrabution to the American streak is undeniable. Even if he was using the juice. Plus, he was in "Dodgeball."

Reason # 29

2006-07-22T00:22:00.000-05:00

This is why I'm a fan of Meagan Griffin. She directs my attention to "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

I was always a Donatello man myself, but despite the fact that it gives big ups to Leonardo, this trailer is still pretty cool.

The deppths of a blockbuster: A review in five parts.

2006-07-20T22:04:00.000-05:00

The “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel already has banked $238 million and is fast approaching the box office record set by the “Star Wars” remakes.

But despite all the buzz at the ticket booth, it’s been getting only mediocre reviews, scoring just over 50 percent positive ratings on Rotten Tomatoes’ cumulative ranking. The consensus: “Gone is Depp’s unpredictability and much of the humor and originality of the first movie.”

Hell, even Alex said it sucked.

Well, I thought it was pretty damn good, and just as enjoyable as the first. I mean, for a franchise based on an animatronic robot ride, I think it more than holds its water. And that’s the last nautical pun I’ll make. I Promise.

Some other thoughts on the film, one of which (#3) I’ve stolen from Becca. But only because I agreed with her on that point.

1. If these movies have taught us anything it’s that English noblemen are prissy bitches who prance around in powdered wigs and fail to grasp the depths of their asshole behavior. This is why, we’re led to believe, the Americans won the Revolutionary War. Because dudes were too pompous to trade in red coats for camouflage.

2. A vaguely feminine, mascara-wearing male pirate figure -- when coupled with a vaguely masculine, sword-wielding female pirate character -- is an infinitely bankable (and bangable) cinematic construction.

3. A fucking heart controls the ocean?

4. The pirates of the Caribbean could find a remote control that controls the universe in the next installment of the trilogy and it wouldn’t matter. That’s how much street cred those pirates have.

5. Of all the complaints I’ve heard about this movie, the most common is this: The action trumps the storyline. I disagree. Besides a few overcooked sword fights, the action sequences – specifically the squid with a toothy vagina sequences – are totally necessary to advance the film’s completely acceptable (albeit completely simple) adventure narrative.

Parental discretion is advised.

2006-07-20T00:09:00.000-05:00

Chapel Hill residents love to do it in the street.

It’s how we celebrate national basketball championships and ring in Halloween. It’s the way we measure University milestones and acknowledge significant achievements.

By our standards, an event just isn’t an event unless it involves at least 30,000 people gathering uptown.

And whether it’s something spontaneous (the NCAA win in 2005), something planned (Halloween) or something in between (the now-defunct Apple Chill), the town has proven it can usually handle huge crowds between the curbs.

About 50,000 people celebrated Halloween on Franklin Street last year and – all things considered – it went pretty well. Only 11 arrests. Of course, there is another side to the story that includes more than misdemeanors and mayhem. The nonfatal shootings that led the cancellation of Apple Chill in April showed us the dark side of large public street fests, and the ever-present anecdotes about injuries with bonfires are proof that national championship celebrations are not all fun and games.

But the town remains committed to keeping alive what has become a Chapel Hill tradition, making street events as safe an experience as possible.

So with all the attention given to facilitating these major events and with all the support from the students who attend them, it seems odd we’re still lacking one particular kind of street-centered activity.

Why can’t we get a major music festival in downtown Chapel Hill?

As summer burns on, the idea of music in the outdoors is inescapable. They’re a part of June through August in major metropolitan areas and cultural centers across the country. Chicago hosts street fairs nearly every weekend in the summer. Lollapalooza, a concert in the city’s downtown park, is huge. So is the Siren Music Festival on New York’s Coney Island. The Village Voice on Saturday hosted that event with headliners Stars and The Scissor Sisters.

It was awesome.

Of course Chapel Hill is not Chicago. And it’s hardly New York. But it is a cultural center, and it is home to a wellspring of musical talent and fandom. With the wealth of local musical support and talent in the Triangle, a large-scale music festival seems like a manageable undertaking.

Maybe summer is not the time, but it could be done. It would be awesome. And somebody should probably get on that.

The Siren Music Festival featured a lineup that just as easily could have been featured at Cat’s Cradle or the Local 506. In fact, a lot of the bands that played, such as Stars (they’re on “The O.C.” soundtrack) and Deadboy and the Elephant Men (they’re actually not that good), have been the subject of Daily Tar Heel music reviews. Last year’s Siren show featured indie favorite Spoon, a band on the Chapel Hill-based Merge record label. So it’s not like we’re strangers to this kind of music. We just don’t know how to listen to it in the outdoors.

The town got a good taste of a large-scale music operation when it played host to the Signal electronic music festival in April. The weekend festival, which featured more than 40 electronic artists performing at various Triangle venues, was a start, but it was scattered. And it was indoors. The “Thursdays on the Terrace” concert series is a little closer to an outdoor music festival, but it’s not quite on that scale.

The point is, Chapel Hill has all the ingredients for a great music festival when the school year starts: an agreeable thoroughfare, rabid support for local music and an affinity for tomfoolery.

As to the logistics of this grand Franklin Street music festival, that I think is a topic for another column.

I’m just saying that doing it in the street is a good idea and somebody should maybe start thinking about it.

Holy Shit

2006-07-19T09:28:00.000-05:00

Viacom is rumored to be interested in buying up The Onion.

Woops!

2006-07-18T13:57:00.000-05:00

Earlier, I reported that Nicolas Cage said to me this about Anthony Piccininni: "He was great."

Well, I looked over my notes today, and it turns out Cage actually said this: "He was excellent."

That's like a difference of two syllables.

The Quick apologizes for the error.

Jim Walsh, cub reporter.

2006-07-15T15:00:00.000-05:00

I went to a press conference today for a story I'm writing about Oliver Stone's upcoming film, "World Trade Center." It was pretty crazy and I didn't get to ask a question during the conference because nobody called on me, but afterward I had three seconds with Nicolas Cage. Below, in one act, I give you the conversation that transpired.

Me: Mr.CageI'mWorkingOnAStoryAboutAnthonyPiccininniAndIWasWonderingIfYouCouldCommentAboutWorkingWithHim.
Cage: Blank Stare
Me: You had a few scenes with him...
Cage: He was great.

At least I got a free Red Bull out of the deal.

From the DTH...It's True!

2006-07-13T22:51:00.000-05:00

Memorial Hall to host Sufjan Stevens concert
By: Harry Kaplowitz, Arts & Entertainment editor

Following the success of March's Wilco concert at Memorial Hall, the Carolina Union Activities Board and Cat's Cradle have re-teamed to bring one of the biggest names in indie music to UNC.

Sufjan Stevens, the singer-songwriter behind 2005's critically acclaimed concept album Illinois, will perform at Memorial Hall Sept. 21. Stevens will be joined by Asthmatic Kitty labelmate My Brightest Diamond, set to open the show. In September 2005, Stevens performed at Cat's Cradle to a sold-out crowd, and those behind this year's performance are expecting more of the same."

Based on last time through, (Stevens) did an advance sellout," Cat's Cradle owner Frank Heath said. "Hopefully we'll get the same response."

Tickets for the concert will go on sale to students Aug. 24 and will remain available only to students for three days before being made available to the general public, CUAB President Erika Stallings said.

Members of Stevens' fan club also have been allotted an undisclosed number of tickets for the more than 1,400-seat venue. Ticket prices have been tentatively set at $12 for students, $20 for the general public and $23 for day-of sales. Tickets will also be available for purchase via One Card at the Memorial Hall box office.

When Stevens last performed in the area, many people were willing to pay twice the ticket price to see him perform, CUAB Music Chairman Robert Gurdian said. Based on that, Gurdian sees Stevens' Memorial Hall performance as a big opportunity for UNC.

"In some way, it does validate the University, as we can get some of the top-quality entertainment that students want - I think that's very important," he said. "Also, it just really excites people when they can see what things can happen at Carolina."

Given that tickets will go on sale the day after classes commence, Gurdian and CUAB are hoping to include announcements for the performance in all "welcome back" materials.

Contact the A&E Editor at artsdesk@unc.edu.

...and walk a-way.

2006-07-12T19:03:00.000-05:00

Rolling Stone reported today that Weezer is probably defunct, according to the band's lead singer...

Rivers Cuomo spent the last month graduating from Harvard University and tying the knot with his girlfriend, but that hasn't kept the Weezer frontman from songwriting. Among the tunes he's penned so far are a tribute to his influences entitled "Heart Songs" and a nod to the U.S. soccer team called "Our Time Will Come." Don't hold your breath for a new Weezer album, though. Cuomo told MTV News, "For the moment, we are done. And I'm not certain we'll ever make a record again, unless it becomes really obvious to me that we need to do one."

The band's Web site notes, rather smugly, that the future of the band is in fact still unwritten. This time last summer, Weezer was headlining Lollapalooza in Chicago. Goes to show just what a college education can do. They were sorta past their prime anyway. A good band, though. Sad to see 'em go.

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears…

2006-07-10T21:13:00.000-05:00

Dave Chappelle: The Lost Episodes

Yes, they’re funny. And yes, we all can’t get enough Dave. But the fact is, these episodes are being shown without Dave’s blessing. He apparently has had enough us. And without him, the show just has a creepy quality – like it was never meant for our eyes.

During an interview with the detestable Anderson Cooper, Dave explained his reasons for leaving the show and his feelings about the so-called “lost episodes.” He talked about one particular sketch, in which he wears blackface, and the way in which he noticed a white person reacting to it. Basically, he decided this guy was laughing for the wrong reasons. He decided that he was maybe even a little embarrassed of his brand of wildly lucrative and edgy racial comedy. And he decided he didn’t want to do it any more. He walked away from a $55 million contract because signing one would be against his principles. And now his former cast mates are hosting the show without him. They’re milking a dead horse.

Incidentally, Dave’s moral dilemma is almost identical to the one presented in Spike Lee’s “Bamboozled.” Like, straight down to the blackface and everything.

Poor Cartoon Production Quality

I used to work for [adult swim]. I used to watch it every night. In fact, I used to watch it when I was in 8th grade, which suddenly seems like a really long time ago. And always part of the appeal of the late-night programming was its bare-bones aesthetic. Quickly generated computer cartoons, at least in the beginning, were thrown together as a vehicle for clever writing. Sealab 2021, Aquateen Hunger Force and Robot Chicken are all examples of shows that still utilize this approach. But damn it to hell if there aren’t a million others that try to get by simply by virtue of their poor production alone. Some of those shows are so poorly put together that you can’t even piece together the storylines. It just, really, grinds my gears.

York Peppermint Patties

I tried to buy a Snickers the other day and accidentally pushed the button for York Peppermint Patty. It was the worst snack I’ve ever had.

Breaking News?

2006-07-08T22:10:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that Sufjan Stevens will be performing at Memorial Hall in Chapel Hill on Sept. 21. My guess is that this is another Wilco-style collaboration between Cat's Cradle and the campus venue. If this report is substantiated and tickets do in fact go on sale for this show, I will be there. And you should too.

I heart Becca

2006-07-08T01:40:00.000-05:00

Big ups to Becca for helping me redesign the ol' blog. It was a lot of work, but at the end of the day, it's all worth it to know that I've trumped Harry.

Just kidding, Harry.

Why New York is not always "my kinda town"...

2006-07-07T19:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a dude got attacked by a maniac in the subway who tried to tear him to bits with power saws he found near the tracks. At 3 a.m. And nobody tried to help him. The only good news is they caught the maniac.

From Newsday:

The man suspected of rampaging through a Manhattan subway station wielding two portable power saws and attacking a passenger was arraigned Friday on multiple charges. Three hours after Michael Steinberg, 64, was attacked at the 110th Street 1 / 9 station at about 3 a.m., police arrested Tareyton Williams, 33, of the Bronx.

Williams, who has a prison record for attempted drug sales, was charged with attempted murder and robbery, police said.

Steinberg, a Manhattan postal employee, said workers did nothing as Williams, sliced open his chest with a power-saw early Thursday. Before he crossed through the turnstile, Steinberg said he saw a man wielding two buzzing power saws - used to tear through wood and concrete - and several workers running scared on the platform.

After reading that story I can't get this picture out of my head...

Fun with Iconography

2006-07-05T21:06:00.000-05:00

A church in Memphis yesterday unveiled a monument to the union of church and state, a churched-up replica of the Statue of Liberty that they call "The Statue of Liberation through Christ."

You have to click on the link to see, because it just looks too weird, but the local news station gave a pretty good print description.

Instead of a torch, a cross. Instead of a stone tablet, the 10 commandments. On her crown the word Jehovah. Beneath her feet a structure representing the tomb of Christ.

The $250,000 statue is about one third the size of the original Lady Liberty, and both monuments were unveiled on the Fourth of July. Some people are pissed about it. Others are hailing it as a way to keep crime out of the neighborhood. I think it looks fucking weird. And ridiculous. And I have no idea as to how it would deter crime.

Happy Independence Day, Bitches!

2006-07-04T11:15:00.000-05:00

For anyone who's ever braved traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike...

2006-07-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

The New York Times today gave us another reason to mock and deride the armpit of America. The best part about this is that it looks like the state's classiest cash cow, Atlantic City, is going to be shut down for a little while. Though I do feel kinda bad for the guy mentioned at the end of the article, who won't be able take his wife to a long-planned anniversary trip to the famed East Coast gambling center.

TRENTON, July 3 — Gov. Jon S. Corzine signed an executive order today calling the New Jersey Senate and Assembly into emergency session on Tuesday, Independence Day, to continue work on the state budget until it is enacted.

On Saturday, the governor signed an order that began the orderly shutdown of nonessential government functions. The shutdown began with the closing of the state lottery and extended today to the state courts and the offices of the Motor Vehicle Commission. But state services deemed essential, like child welfare and the state police, continued.

The state's most popular tourist draw, the casinos of Atlantic City, have been ordered to close by 8 a.m. Wednesday, barring court intervention.

Dearly departed...

2006-07-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

I've always been a lazy pop culture connoisseur. I don't often jump on trendy new shows until people I know do it, and I rarely see movies on opening weekends. I just figure I'll get to it sooner or later. Such was the case with my newest addiction, "Six Feet Under." The show was on for five seasons before it was taken from HBO's lineup, and I'm now just getting into it. If you're not familiar with it, the show is about a family that lives in an L.A. funeral home and struggles to come to terms with its various and sundry emotional problems – all to the tune of of death and a newly deceased person each episode. What's great about it is, despite its grave subject matter, it's really pretty uplifting. More about life than death, and more about family than discord. I totally recommend it.

There is one problem, however, if you plan on renting the series from Blockbuster. Apparently, the first and second seasons are not as popular as the third, so not all stores carry them. I know this because I've been to three Blockbusters in the NYC metro area and only one stocked the show from the beginning. Stupid movie rentals. Anyway, it's a good show. Life is good.

Can I just tell you I'm excited about the Siren Music Festival?

2006-06-29T19:27:00.000-05:00

Well, I am. And I'll tell you three reasons why.

It's free.
No dollars needed.

It's hip.
Sponsored by The Village Voice, the headliners include Stars, Serena Maneesh and The Stills. Past festivals have included Modest Mouse, Spoon, Death Cab and Guided By Voices -- all when they were on the brink of mainstream recognition.

It's Brooklyn.
What better place to have an off-center music concert than the famously odd Coney Island? Between the roller coasters and the dead sea gulls, there you will find me.

Is that, like, a music review or something?

2006-06-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

There’s something to be said for hype.

In the world of movies, music and the Internet, it’s a generally reliable gauge of any number of pop culture offerings. Follow the hype in the weeks and months before something comes out, throw in a dash of self-assurance and your own decision making ability, and more often than not you end up a good judge of society’s pulse.

That, in my opinion, is what the DTH Arts Desk has been doing for years. We check out new stuff and either go with the flow or criticize people who do for being too pedestrian. I’m not saying it's bad, I'm just saying that sometimes the hype can bite you in the ass.

Case in point: The Arctic Monkeys.

The band’s March release was billed as the next big thing in Brit-rock – with an ingenuity that was going to blow The Strokes, an American sensation, out of the water. But contrary to the opinion of the often talented writers at Spin, the band kinda fizzled. I don’t know how they did on sales in the states, but as far as hype goes, they burned out. And for good reason. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not was nothing special.

So the point is that you can’t always trust the hype. And you can’t always rely on it lead you to talented bands. Sometimes, you have to leave it up to fate.

Case in point: The Village Green.

I stumbled upon this band the other day when I was looking up the name of a restaurant and was delighted to find some amazing streaming audio at the band’s site. They’re from Oregon, perhaps a reason why we East Coasters haven’t really heard much about them.

If there is any justice in the world, this band will blow up. They’re what the hype machine is all about: a back-to-basics sound, fun lyrics and stylish production. Somewhere between Guided By Voices and Spoon, The Village Green was born. And the band’s self-titled EP and selections from their forthcoming Feeling the Fall fly straight in the face of conventional music journalism.

The music stands on its own merit and is good by virtue of its melodies. No hype required.

“Let it Go” is a surprisingly compatible blend of Iggie Pop delivery with a chorus fit for the Partridge Family. And just when it starts to get really raw, the chorus cools it down with an ode to early rock sensibilities. Some would call it jangly.

Another standout track, “Plastic Woman,” recalls the decadence of Soundgarden’s “Blackhole Sun” but throws in infectious backing vocals to balance it out.

As a whole, the tracks offered on the band’s Web site are an all-around good time, and you’d be hard pressed to find one that doesn’t get your toe a-tappin’.

So the lesson to be learned from all this is that the best things in life are the unexpected. You can’t always trust the prevailing winds, and the hype is not always right.

Unless, of course, it’s coming from this blog.

Over and out.

It's a hell of a drug.

2006-06-26T22:53:00.000-05:00

At first, I never gave much credence to folks who spun conspiracy theories around the criminalization of marijuana and other drugs. "Dude, it's all because of the DuPont Company wanted to market synthetic fibers and couldn't stand the competition from hemp products." Etc. Etc.

Well, as far as I can tell, most of that stuff is still malarkey. But there is something to be said for the ulterior motives of legislators who started the "War on Drugs" with the first punitive laws in the early 20th century.

Surprisingly, a lot of it is tied up not in economics, but in racism and cultural misunderstanding. The History Channel has been doing a series on illegal drugs and how they got that way, and the common theme is this: As soon as a drug is perceived as an instrument of a minority group, that drug is made illegal. Today's episode on cocaine, which according to Southern legislators in 1914 was responsible for "crazed negroes" unsusceptible to regular police bullets, was a particularly egregious example. The crux of the show was the passing of the Harrison Narcotics Act in 1914. It was the first federal law to ban narcotics and, according to analysts from several respected academic institutions, the beginning of the billion dollar war on drugs that never seems to be improving.

What the show pointed out was interesting. Certainly, drugs have a wealth of negative physical and psychological effects. Chemical alterations can throw your system out of wack. But perhaps more harmful, the series suggests, are the social stigmas that have been built up around drug use. The criminalization of drugs in America has created a nation of criminals. And there's no denying that it's tied up in race, class and -- yeah, dude -- even the economy.

My favorite anecdotal evidence. States that penalize possession of powder cocaine, which more often than not is possessed by white people, less than they penalize possession of crack cocaine, which is more often then not possessed by minorities. There is minimal difference in the chemical make-up or harmful effects of the two kinds of coke.

Iowa distinguishes between trafficking offenses involving crack cocaine and powder cocaine using a 100-to-1 drug quantity ratio. Unlike the federal statutes, however, this ratio is not reflected in the threshold amounts that trigger the mandatory minimum penalties; rather, the 100-to-1 ratio is reflected in the threshold amounts that determine the maximum statutory penalty. For example, more than five kilograms of powder cocaine or more than fifty grams of cocaine base trigger a maximum penalty of fifty years imprisonment. An offender with more than 500 grams of powder cocaine or more than five grams of cocaine base is subject to a maximum penalty of 25 years imprisonment. Essentially, an offender must have 100 times more powder cocaine than crack cocaine to trigger the same statutory maximum penalty. Iowa also requires an offender who commits one of these offenses to serve a minimum period of confinement of one-third of the maximum sentence prescribed by law before being eligible forparole.

-From the U.S. Sentencing Commission Report, 2002

Gin Manifesto: Part 1

2006-06-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who take themselves too seriously and those who do not. Class; status; intelligence – doesn’t matter. No matter who you are or how much money you make, you’re bound to fall into one category or the other. Hence the rich fellow who stops at McDonald’s on the way to a business meeting (laid back) or the local yokel who brings a table cloth to tailgate at NASCAR (up tight).

It’s all about appearance for the ones in the latter camp. So concerned are they with what other people think of them that they forget what they think of themselves. Consequently, they’re always on their guard, always trying to hide any sign of weakness or inferiority. They’re the kind of people who, when they were growing up, were embarrassed to take you back to their house because there was an off chance dirty dishes might be in the sink and you’d cast judgment on them. They’re the kind of people who make you feel like a jerk for ordering the wrong drink at the bar or failing to understand the intricacies of French cuisine. The kind of people who spend so much time in the ivory tower that they forget what it’s like to live life where it’s all taking place.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I think those people, the people who take themselves too seriously and scratch others off on the basis of shallow standards, are veritable un-Americans. “Wha?” you might ask. “What does elitism have to do with being un-American?” Well, I’ll tell you.

There are a lot of things wrong with this country, for sure. And a lot of things that need to be done differently, made up for or reversed. Indeed ours is a checkered history. But one thing that we’ve managed to do right, I think, is maintain some semblance of egalitarianism. The old idea of the “American Dream,” where by sheer force of will, persistence and hard work, any man can achieve that which he hopes to achieve. I’ve been thinking about this idea of egalitarianism a lot lately, having had the opportunity to stroll along the streets of America’s other capitol city, New York. The place is famous for its pastiche – the blend of high and low class, rich and poor, mainstream and profane. In the city that never sleeps there are millions who go on day to day, doing their own thing. And nobody bats an eye because everyone is has a right to be there. Wanna pee in the subway? Great. Wanna shop at Prada? Even better. Just do what you do how you do.

(This does have a point, by the way, I’m just taking a while to get there.)

And this egalitarianism in America, specifically in New York, goes way back. Many probably remember reading Alexis de Toqueville’s 1831 work, “Democracy in America,” for a U.S. history class at some point. Well, his words then were just as true as they are now. Only now they’re coming from beyond the grave!

Gin Manifesto: Part 2

2006-06-25T21:03:00.000-05:00

“America, then, exhibits in her social state a most extraordinary phenomenon. Men are there seen on a greater equality in point of fortune and intellect, or, in other words, more equal in their strength, than in any other country of the world, or in any age of which history has preserved the remembrance.”

-Alexis de Toqueville

And that’s how it still is in the city. Joe Richguy rides the subway to work with Homeless Harry and College Dropout. And in the biggest and busiest city in the country, you can still find enough culture to satisfy even an academic’s taste for the arts. You can catch up on Dadaism at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, listen to the New York Philharmonic Orchestra at Lincoln Center and eat at dinner at Tavern on the Green.

(P.S. When I was looking up that restaurant, I stumbled upon this really interesting band called The Village Green.)

In that same city, where you can go to a museum, listen to a concert and have a feast, you also overhear something along these lines…

Girl on cell: So, guess where I am. No, I'm coming out to visit you! Well, okay, can I stay with you for a few days? I got kicked out of my apartment. I'll find a new one soon. Why what? Oh, why did I get kicked out? Well, I crashed my landlord's Ferrari...Well, I was drinking. You know me!
--Penn Station, LIRR

So there’s a mix. The high and the low. The good and the bad. The young and the restless. The point is, New York City is an example of an ideal that should never be cast aside by the people like I was talking about earlier, who take themselves too seriously. Life is an amalgum and any decent human being who wants to partake in it should do so from all ends of the spectrum.

The best way to do this, I think, is to be varied in your interests. Enjoy fine cuisine, but don’t knock someone who stops at a Wendy’s on the way home from work. Watch Goddard, read Joyce and listen to Beethoven, but don’t discount the relevance of pop culture.

These are the things I believe. And if you’re reading this now, thank you for playing along. It probably means you’re one of the lucky ones, the laid back ones, the ones who suck the marrow out of life wherever they find it and don’t discredit anything until they’ve given it an honest chance. I guess what I’m trying to do here is say something about class and culture, and of course I’m commenting on the merits of high and low art. But what it boils down to is this: As a person who appreciates a little bit of everything, I can’t fathom how there are people in this world who would criticize a man for drinking cheap gin.

"The Squid and the Whale"

2006-06-22T19:23:00.000-05:00

Sophie: It's gross when he turns into the bug, but I love how matter of fact everything is.

Walt Berkman: Yeah, it's very Kafkaesque.

Sophie: Cause it's written by Franz Kafka.

Walt Berkman: Right. I mean, clearly.

So I've been using the summer to catch up on the interesting books and films and things that I didn't get a chance to enjoy throughout the school year when I was covering the arts and entertainment community in Chapel Hill. Latest on that list is Noah Baumbach's "The Squid and the Whale," which was produced by Wes Anderson. If you're reading this right now, there's a good chance that you've already seen it, so I'll be brief.

"The Squid and the Whale" is the tragically hilarious story of two authors' divorce and the way their helplessly bohemian kids deal with the situation. Written with the same attention to dead-pan dialogue Baumback displayed in "The Life Aquatic," another Anderson collaboration, the film is spot on. Exploring themes of divorce, family and academia, it does some heavy lifting but never forgets the lighter side of going to the movies. The tragic, semi-autobiographical story hurts to watch, but half the time the symptoms are a result of too much laughter.

If you're like me and only now enjoying the freedom of renting movies, check it out. It's a good time. Unless, of course, you're a philistine.

My Two Cents

2006-06-21T19:03:00.000-05:00

Having heard through the usual channels that Pitchfork posted its picks for 100 awesome music videos, I have to weigh in. And after defending the oft-maligned Internet music site on Harry's blog, I have to say I was disappointed when I clicked through the list. There were a lot of greats, including the Sinead O'Connor video, the Herbie Hancock video and, of course, the Kidz Bop video. But, damn it all, there was not a single mention of director Michel Gondry's work. I submit that he is one of the best music video directors of all time. OK, maybe he's just one of the best music video directors of all time whose work I know enough about to share an opinion. Check out his video for Kylie Minogue (Yeah, I know. Kylie who?). Gondry uses the same continuity technique here as in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." It's uber trippy.

The Way We Was

2006-06-20T18:26:00.000-05:00

Remember the good old days when all we could talk about was "Snakes on a Plane"? When no joke was complete without at least a passing reference to what could be the worst (and best) film of all time? When you could answer your cell phone with the phrase "Snakes on a Plane?" and people kinda knew what you were talking about?

Well, I do. And I miss those days. They were simpler times, for sure, but no less relevant in the great dance of history that we call mankind. I wish I could go back to those days, when men were men and films were a joke, and I wish I could relive the joy of finding out that there is in fact a movie called "Snakes on a Plane," and that Sam Jackson will be swearing throughout its duration. But of course I can't do that, and unfortunately neither can you. The best we have until the film's August release is this trailer. And an amusing picture of Kenan getting attacked by a snake that I found on the Internet.

Stop the Presses! Stop the Presses!

2006-06-19T19:25:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Tribune's RedEye publication, which I worked for last summer, launched a new Web site today, and I have to say it's pretty fun. Check it out to see how "Entourage" star Jeremy Piven got in hot water at the Cubs game this weekend when he sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the seventh inning stretch. Also, there's an amusing viral video featuring the antics of columnist Jimmy Greenfield, who is a truly hilarious guy. It answers the age-old question of what happens when you mix Mentos and Coke.

Life is Beautiful (The Redux)

2006-06-18T22:29:00.000-05:00

It's always been a dream of mine to make a mix CD so obviously strung together that it hurts. This is my attempt. Problem is, I can't think of any more decent pop tunes with the word "beautiful" in the title. Anyway, here it is...a work in progress.

Beautiful – Smashing Pumpkins
Beautiful Stranger – Madonna
You’re Beautiful - James Blunt
The Beautiful People – Marilyn Manson
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
Beautiful Day – U2
Beautiful Boy – John Lennon
Beautiful – Pharrell

Counter Culture

2006-06-17T13:17:00.000-05:00

The sequel to Kevin Smith's 1994 film "Clerks" is slated for release this summer (July 21, according to the movie's Web site and August 18 according to the trailer posted below). It picks up, oddly, 10 years from the time audiences first left Dante and Randal and their deadpan brand of behind-the-counter observations. And judging from the trailers, it doesn't seem that much has changed, aside from the fact that the characters now live in the world of technicolor (the original, of course, was black and white) and hottie Rosario Dawson has joined the fray. Jay and Silent Bob (Smith) make their return as well, along with a cameo from Ben Affleck.

The question is, will Smith be able to pull it off? While "Clerks" is always a good rental, and the director has established his reputation in films such as "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma," there really is no guarantee this one will be any good. It's a thin story from another time, popularized on the tail-end of the grunge movement and strung along through the regular channels of a cult classic. "Clerks" was great, but I'm not sure it warrants a sequel -- especially 12 years after the fact. But who knows, maybe it will have enough nostalgic appeal to be hoisted to the tier of its predecessor.

I'll see it, of course, but not because I'm expecting to be wowed. I'll see it to be reminded of a time when that was never a part of the deal.

Money. Cash. Hoes. Money Cash Hoes.

2006-06-16T22:27:00.000-05:00

Weezer – “Beverly Hills”
Flying Lizzards – “Money, That’s What I Want”
Jill Sobule – “Supermodel”
Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain”
Madonna – “Material Girl”
David Bowie – “Queen Bitch”
The Velvet Underground – “All Tomorrow’s Parties”
Cake – “Italian Leather Sofa”
The Dandy Warhols – “Horse Pills”
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Rich”
Flaming Lips – “The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song”

I’ve never really prided myself on an ability to make good lists or compile excellent mix CDs. Truth is, I don’t really have that ability. But I will say I’ve dabbled. Usually what happens is this: I early on come up with a really good sequence of songs that flow seamlessly into each other. Then I get bored or distracted or tired and the rest of the tracks sag wantonly behind the good stuff. The result is a soggy compilation that isn’t really worth its salt, whatever that means. But things have changed. Tonight I have broken the streak. Tonight I’ve come up with what I think is a respectable mix. It has a theme. It has flow. It has a range of voices from past and present. Quite simply, it has enough going for it to best the always welcome musical concoctions of Greensboro’s 98.7 FM. And while it will never rival the likes of a Bryan Reed mix or an Indie Ben year-end list (Last year he charted his picks for the 100 best albums of 2005), I think it is pretty good. So say what you will, but I’m just a sucker for ironic songs about wealth, vanity, decadence or materialism.

And in the world of hip hop...

2006-06-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

Following comments from Frederic Rouzaud, the managing director of Louis Roderer Cristal, Jay-Z announced Wednesday that his 40/40 club will no longer be selling the manufacturer's high-end champagne. Rouzaud said in an interview printed in The Economist that Jay-Z and other rappers who frequently name-check Cristal in their lyrics bring unwanted attention to the brand, adding that he was sure Dom Perignon and Krug would no doubt be delighted to have the rappers' business.

That was the news story. This is the best part: a verbatim quote from Jay-Z's press release on the subject.

"It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud, views the 'hip-hop' culture as "unwelcome attention." I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands including The 40/40 Club nor in my personal life," said Jay-Z.
Just as Rouzaud stated, "I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business," Jay-Z and the 40/40 Club will now be serving only Krug and Dom Perignon to their customers seeking high-end champagne products.

Meanwhile...

Rolling Stone reported today that

A member of Atlanta crew DEM FRANCHIZE BOYZ was among the eight people, eleven pounds of marijuana, two firearms and more than $150,000 in cash seized from an Atlanta recording studio Tuesday night. Police charged MAURICE "PARLAE" GLEATON, 23, with allegedly trafficking marijuana. Maybe this was what the lyric "Call me Teddy/I've got grams" (from the Franchize hit "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It") was all about.

The timing, of course, could not be more perfect. The group was in the news just yesterday for having received the dubious honor of going multi-platinum in ring tone sales with the aforementioned hit.

And all of this while ...

Oprah's is saying she doesn't have a problem with hip hop? It's like crazy town.

Call it the inside spoon

2006-06-14T19:02:00.000-05:00

Can I just say that I love Spoon?

When a band's song gets stuck in your noggin and you still can't stop listening to it at every opportunity, that means it's ripe for a blog posting. Spoon is that band. And "The Way We Get By" is that song.

You might have heard it on "The O.C." Or on a mix tape made by a close friend who watches "The O.C." But it's a good song. One about youth and friendship, with a bit of commentary about society's outsiders (people who don't think it's bad to smoke pot) thrown in for good measure. "The Way We Get By" works not so much because of its punchy lyrics but because of the infectious piano rhythms supporting them. You can listen to it at the band's myspace site.

Oh, and the band also happens to be on Chapel Hill's own Merge records. Which is always a good sign. And they're also playing the July 29-30 Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago. That lineup rivals Bonnaroo, man.

Do you know the secret word, boys and girls?

2006-06-12T18:57:00.000-05:00

Cartoon Network recently announced that it will air all 45 original episodes of "Pee-wee's Playhouse," in their entirety, on adult swim starting July 10. I, for one, am ecstatic.

Say what you will about the creepiness of a lipsticked Paul Reubens, or about the fact that his show was dropped from CBS in 1991 following allegations of indecent exposure in an adult movie theater. But the truth is, his show was fucking brilliant. Of course none of us realized it at the time, but the Emmy award-winning "Pee-wee's Playhouse" broke down a lot of the cultural taboos associated with children's programming and treated kids (at the time, us) with an uncommon amount of confidence. It pushed the envelope in a lot of arenas and, with characters such as the Spanish-speaking Cowboy Curtis, introduced white-bread America to a cast that celebrated diversity.

And don't even get me started on the Pee-wee Herman movies, which actually spawned the TV show. With direction by Tim Burton and a ghoulishly saccharine score by Danny Elfman, "Pee-wee's Big Adventure" is one of my favorite childhood movies. It used to freak me out, for example, when the evil clowns operated on Pee-wee's broken bicycle, but now I think it's hilarious. The imagination showcased in that movie is a telling reminder of the limitless possibilities that seemed available to anyone who grew up in the '80s or early '90s.

So two cheers for Cartoon Network. "Pee-wee's Playhouse" may be neither adult-themed, nor a cartoon, but I can think of no better place for it to reside than on adult swim.

Ha-ha! Ha-ha indeed.

Harold and Kumar Go to UNC

2006-06-11T14:20:00.000-05:00

The story of this year's UNC summer reading book, "The Namesake," is scheduled to hit the silver screen in November. And staring in the lead role, as Gogol Ganguli, is none other than Kal Penn of "Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle" fame.

The movie follows the story of Gogol, a first generation Indian immigrant, as he struggles to fit in with his New England friends. His constant battle between loyalty to his family's traditions and the need to be assimilated into popular American culture is epitomized by his name, which he eventually decides to have legally changed (not knowing the special meaning it has to his father). As "Harold and Kumar" was able to achieve much more than critics ever expected of it, I think "The Namesake" will also be able to do. This is a quiet story that doesn't seem to lend itself to cinema, but after the viewing the preview, I have to admit that I'm curious about seeing the whole thing.

But even if you don't go to the show, you should definitely pick up the book. Written by Jhumpa Lahiri, it's a quick read that is well worth the time. Lahiri is a Pulitzer prize-winning author who writes with an unpretentious hand and a knowing vocabulary. Her prose is tight and simple, yet more revealing than other longwinded authors. Critics have described it as quiet, elegant and honest. And after reading this novel, you'll know why.

I've read every UNC summer reading book since "Nickel and Dimed," and I have to say this one is my favorite. It's about America and the people who make it wonderful. It's about growing up and establishing where you stand with your parents. And I think it will speak to anyone who's ever had a hard time coming to terms with any of those things.

This shit is bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S

2006-06-10T17:04:00.000-05:00

There a lot of things her hips can do, but lying is not one of them. Neither is being attached to a hit performance artist who does anything less than top pop queen Gwen Stefani. Oh, that's right, Shakira is blowing up. The sultry songstress, whose collaboration with Wyclef on "Hips Don't Lie" is topping the Billboard Top 40 and the Latin Singles chart simultaneously, has surpassed Stefani in radio plays. Shakira now holds the record for the most played radio pop song, with 9,657 times in one week on American radio, according to Newsday. The former record was 9,582 plays last year for "Hollaback Girl."

And while "Hollaback Girl" was a great pop song that, in my opinion, really defined the essence of the summer of '05, the fact is that "Hips Don't Lie" is just done better. The song lacks the requisite Neptunes production techniques of yesteryear, but it makes up for that with a seamless integration of international beats and Spanish lyrics. Wyclef's rhymes are on point as always, and Shakira's singing -- well, it just makes a man wanna speak Spanish, quite frankly.

Yay. I have the Internet. Yay!

2006-06-09T13:04:00.000-05:00

So after two days of traveling, I am finally in New York. Huntington, Long Island. I have the Internet hooked up, the cable plugged in and nothing to do until my first day at Newsday on Monday. Sweet.

The Devil is Not in the Details

2006-06-06T12:49:00.000-05:00

Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six.

Book of Revelation, 13:18

So it's June 6th 2006 (06/06/06). What better excuse to use the Bible as a marketing tool for movies and music? And to advertise the fact that a "score," as also used in the Gettysburg address, is equal to 20 years.

Director John Moore's remake of The Omen comes out today, bursting at the seams with religious and mythological icons. And the producers must have pissed their pants when they realized the potential for a summer movie release about the son of the devil that so perfectly fits within Biblical revelations. They've even been running weeklong ads in USA Today, ticking off the days until the sign of the beast equals that of your Dilbert box calender.

But that's not all...

Slayer released its new song, "Cult," on iTunes this morning at 6:06 a.m., resulting in the perhaps doubly demonic number pattern 06:06 06/06/06. It seems the band itself hath no understanding because tacking on two sixes is just superfluous, especially when you're trying to be edgy with an iTunes release. Whatever.

The point is that this 666 business is just a little hokey. And by "just a little," I mean "extremely." Allow me to quote a rather funny columnicle that ran today in the Winston-Salem Journal. Please keep in mind that this quote follows the already substantial argument that it's silly to assume that divine time would be equal to Western time. That it doesn't follow the Chinese or Hebrew calendars, for example. Anyway, here's the quote...

"The 06/06/06 date isn't unique -- it happens every 100 years. There was a 06/06/06 back in 1906, and the only noteworthy event on that date was the Durham and South Carolina Railroad started its first revenue train service from Durham all the way to Bonsal, all the way out in Southwestern Wake County."

Well said, Tim Clodfelter of the Winston-Salem Journal. Well said.

So don't get mixed up in the hype, kids. See "The Omen" if you will, but don't expect the gates of hell to open when you're there. Because, as we all know, that will only happen at the opening of "Snakes on a Plane," when brother will fight brother until there is no one left. No one, that is, but the snakes.

Oh, that's right. "Entourage" is better than "24."

2006-06-05T11:57:00.000-05:00

Will somebody please get excited about the June 11 premiere of season 3 of "Entourage" on HBO? The critics sure are.

After getting off to a slow start in 2004, the show about an actor who makes it big and takes his friends along for the ride is finally starting to gain some street cred. Guest appearances by the likes of Gary Busey and Mandy Moore have only added fuel to this already raging subscriber television phenom. "Entourage" does everything right: good storylines, great location shots and enough drama to keep the comedy fresh. It isn't a story about Hollywood so much as it is a story about four friends who live there. And as an added bonus, supporting actor Jeremy Piven (the guys' agent) acts as their guide to the city and a dubious parent figure. After years of playing the nerdy character in movie after movie, Piven is finally getting a chance to shine in his role as the precariously self-confident talent agent.

Now, I know this is going to upset some people. But I think "Entourage," in many ways, is better than "24." Of course, they're two different genres on two different networks, but I think the creativity of "Entourage" tops the camp appeal of "24." Only time will tell which series has the most longevity.

Lesbian to protect Gotham City

2006-06-02T11:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Culture Wars,

Hi. It's me, the controversy over gay rights. I know it's been a while, but I think it's time for me to rear my fabulous head in the media once again.

Hey, did you hear that they're re-releasing the classic 1956 Batwoman comic book series in July? Yeah, I know. It's totally sweet. But get this. This time there's a twist. This time, the Batwoman is a lesbian. Who openly loves other women. And one of those women happens to be a cop! Oh, that's right, my friend. A classic American icon (sort of), commercially dead since 1976, has decided to resurrect herself as the enemy of the fundamentalist conservative right. Bruce Wayne is gone. Superman, absent. And this is just too good.

But wait, there's more. In addition to Batwoman's return as a democracy-hating woman lover, a cast of diverse characters also will accompany her in the new series. Racial and sexual minorities of all kinds will be afoot! To pick and choose between the positive and harmful images for America's youth will be like walking through a field of political land minds. Culture wars, it looks like you and I are going to have one hell of a summer. That is, if anyone is even reading this.

Cheers,
TCOGR

$ $ $ Litigation Nation $ $ $

2006-06-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

The Associated Press reported yesterday that a veteran of the Iraq war is suing Michael Moore for $85 million, alleging that Moore cast him in a false light in "Fahrenheit 9/ll."

Sgt. Peter Damon, a National Guardsman from Middleborough, Mass., is asking for damages because of "loss of reputation, emotional distress, embarrassment, and personal humiliation," according to the lawsuit filed in Suffolk Superior Court last week. Damon, 33, claims that Moore never asked for his consent to use a clip from an interview Damon did with NBC's "Nightly News."

So this guy, who lost his arms in the war, is suing Moore for making it look like he does not support the Bush administration, which he obviously does. He even wrote in the lawsuit that he agrees with and supports the president and the United States' war effort. OK, great.

But even with my very limited knowledge of media law, I'm pretty sure this case won't hold water. In the first place, it sounds like Damon's suing for some kind of invasion of privacy (false light). And if that's the case, he's going to need to prove that filmmakers acted with actual malice, which is kind of a toughy. It's not like the film was in any way aimed against him; it was aimed against Bush. Secondly, documentary filmmaking (however shady Moore might make it) is one of the hardest things to go after. It's kind of like newsgathering in that it's protected well from copyright problems and the like. You don't have to ask for permission to use a publicly aired interview, even if you do throw ethics to the wind during the editing process.

Michael Moore is no saint. And I wish someone would take him to the bank and expose his moneymaking spin for what it is. But this is not the way to go about it. It sucks for Damon that he sacrificed his limbs for a cause he believed in, only to find his words manipulated and used against that very cause upon his return home, but that doesn't make this a legal issue.

And to seek that much money in damages is just tacky. Makes you wonder about his motives.

Boone. It's a hell of a town

2006-05-31T22:51:00.000-05:00

So I'm back from a day-and-a-half-long excursion to North Carolina's finest western municipality, and in about ten minutes the clock is going to hit midnight, signaling the end of the day and the end of my daily posting streak. So I gotta put something up here. And fast. While my blogging cohorts Harry and Fonvielle have been railroading the blogosphere with lengthy academic posts about music and movies, I think I'm going to stick to what works. The quick. A short and simple post about a topic of no consequence. I give you...

RED SEAL ALE.

Known to my friends in Boone (and to the guys at the local beer store, The Tin Can) as one of the "dankiest" beers you can buy, Red Seal Ale is a cut above the rest. It's pricey ($9.68 for a 6-pack), but it's worth it. A darker drink, the beer tastes something like cross between Yuengling's standard selection and Rogue's Dead Guy Ale, and it really hits the spot. Especially in the afternoon, when the cool mountain air blows through your hair, reminding you what it means to be alive. Plus, its packaging is written in Latin: Carpe diem. Vita brevis.

Seize the day, my friends. Life is short.

And I'm done.

Random Recommendation

2006-05-30T10:28:00.000-05:00

1957's "The Bridge on the River Kwai."

This World War II drama follows the story of a imprisoned British commander who comes to respect his Japanese captors. After watching the leader of the prisoner camp fail repeatedly at building a bridge over the River Kwai (to transport supplies to the Axis powers), the commander agrees to do it for him. He enlists the help of his fellow Brits and builds a majestic bridge that comes to symbolize English ingenuity and honor. Meanwhile, a squadron of British rangers is sent in to destroy the bridge in an effort to tie up the enemy supply line. The movie's climactic end is one of classic Hollywood cinema's finest moments. It's, like, more poignant than a Greek tragedy or something. The bridge is destroyed. But the genious of the story is in the way it falls.

OK. I'm done with pretentiousness for the day. I'm just saying it's a good movie.

Happy Memorial Day!

2006-05-29T12:41:00.000-05:00

Come on. Feel the NOISE!

2006-05-28T14:56:00.000-05:00

It boggles my mind how two cable stations under the same corporate umbrella, pandering to the same demographics and using the same advertising tactics, can produce two wildly different programming schedules of two wildly different qualities.

I am talking, of course, about MTV and VH1. While the former continues to unravel with its smattering of teen "problem" shows ("Made," "Laguna Beach" and "Next" to name a few), the latter is experiencing a resurgence in the realm of powerhouse programming. "Best Week Ever" continues to be one of the funniest clip shows on TV and, to my great delight, they've brought back "Behind the Music."

But those programming feats pale in comparison to what the station has done for me so far this summer. It's a little something VH1 calls "Heavy: The Story of Metal." The monthlong ode to Rock 'n' Roll's dirty little secret has been nothing short of extraordinary. With detailed examinations of every band from Black Sabbath to Quiet Riot to Metallica, the channel has illuminated for me a genre that I've for the most part thrown to the wayside. I mean, I'm not going to be listening to Metallica any time soon, but at least now I have some respect and understanding for the movement they were a part of.

Rock on.

X-Men: The Last Stand

2006-05-27T13:48:00.000-05:00

Superhero movies come and go, with varying levels of success often having to do more with marketing than movie making. When they’re good, they’re really good, and when they’re bad, they’re unbearable. Fortunately for moviegoers, “X-Men: The Last Stand” is one of the better ones.

It accomplishes the rare feat of outshining the inevitable hokiness that comes with a comic-book adaptation by weaving a bit of character depth into a story born of rather flat ink drawings. There are super explosions, yes, but the real firepower comes from the complexity of major players in the light of cataclysmic conflict.

In a world of the not-too-distant future, an antibody for the mutant gene (dubbed a “cure” by humans) becomes available, forcing humans and mutants to decide where they stand on the issue of “mutant rights.” Obviously, the nod to current politics is inescapable.

But in the X-Men universe, things aren’t as simple as partisan debate. And characters must look deeply into themselves as the lines are drawn.

The battle is anchored by a feud between the malcontent Magneto (Ian McKellen) and the cool-headed professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart). The veritable battle between good and evil trades in an overly dramatic song and dance for a real conflict between two men of different ideals. Director Brett Ratner draws connections between the pair’s storied past (they once were partners) and uses those to illuminate the difficulty of the war in which the two men (mutants?) have found themselves front and center.

It’s what made “X2” so great. There isn’t merely a display of mutants and their enemies, but rather a multifaceted conflict that demands that each character define for himself the limits of his power and the concept of good and evil. Mutants who fought together in the films leading up to “X3” become enemies in the franchise’s final installment, and questions are raised about the pitfalls of loyalty and the danger of independence.

Sure, the movie has its limitations. Not all get the examination they deserve. And with more than a dozen mutants running in different directions, the cogence of the storyline suffers. Subplots are underdeveloped, mutants are introduced arbitrarily (often with little effect on the flow of the narrative) and many loose ends are tied up too tidily in the end.

But to knock one of the summer’s first proper blockbusters for its lack of story development would be akin to shooting the pizza guy for forgetting the salad.

Despite its lack of wholesome plot structures, “X3” delivers just what audiences have ordered. Shit gets blown up, cars and people are thrown to the sky, and a countless number of mutants display a countless number of cool mutant abilities. At the end of the day, serious story development takes a back seat to an acceptable -- dare I say fantastic -- CGI extravaganza. And that is fine by me.

Because the movie works on two levels. For the hedonist, Ratner serves up more than a healthy dose of eye candy. And for the comic book aficionado, the plot digs just a little deeper than the short-lived Saturday morning cartoon series ever did.

Perhaps “X3” has a bit too much frosting, but that is precisely what makes it worthy of its freakin’ sweet moniker.

Never been a sinner, I never sinned...

2006-05-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

So today I found an old mix CD I made back in high school, titled "Cheer Up." It is, if I do say so myself, a really awesome blend of unapologetically upbeat songs that I made while going through some kind of episode in 2003. I played it again today while driving in my car and became inexplicably obsessed with one particular track -- Norman Greenbaum's 1970 hit, "Spirit In the Sky." It's been in a lot of movies, but in case you need a refresher, the lyrics go something like this...

Never been a sinner, I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus!
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky!

So I was thinking to myself, "Wow, that's a really great song. Kinda cheeky. I should see what sort of information I can find out about this guy." So I did. Turns out, Greenbaum was a pretty weird dude. He played for a time in a kind of psychedelic jug band called Dr. West's Medicine Show and Junk Band and released a bunch of songs with titles like 1966's "The Eggplant That Ate Chicago," which sounds like a Sufjan Stevens track. Anyway, he also has his own Web site, complete with an audio file of his one and only claim to fame. And that is the actual reason for this post. The site is pretty ridiculous, but it's fun to read. You get out of it what you might get from an infomercial written by a junkie and edited by Wesley Willis. Here's a selection, from the welcome page...

Your Norman is a fun site, featuring offers from Norman's Store on 4 Norman Greenbaum CD's, exclusive T shirts, tattoos, stickers, guitar picks, magnets and autographed pictures.Fads such as "tickle me Elmo", "dancing babies" and, of course, the "beanies", come and go. Your Norman has proven to be an endearing and everlasting phenomenon in the music industry.

Hilarious.

I swear to God I am going to pistol whip the next person who says "American Idol."

2006-05-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

It's finally over. The fifth "American Idol" season came to a close last night when the foppish Taylor Hicks, an Alabama native, was crowned lord and master of the United States. More than 63 million people voted for him, which is more than any president ever received in any election in the history of the country.

Of course, it's easy to grasp the nation's attention when your show is broadcast on local Fox affiliates as a legitimate news story, touted on the TV Guide Channel for a week, sponsored by millions of Coke dollars and plastered across every major newspaper in the country in the days leading up to a vote.

Next year, just cast your vote for media conglomeration. By texting "V-O-T-E" on your Cingular Mobile Verizon Wireless Sprint GPS Sony BMG cell phone.

The DUI heard 'round the world

2006-05-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Dude in Lithuania was arrested recently after driving drunk and posting a blood alcohol level that was 18 times the country's legal limit. Eighteen times the country's legal limit. Eighteen times!

Police said Vidmantas Sungaila registered 7.27 grams per liter of alcohol in his blood on different devices after he was pulled over 60 miles from the capital, Vilnius. Lithuania's legal limit is 0.4 grams per liter. Medical experts say anything above 3.5 grams is lethal for most people.

In one Associated Press report, a police officer is quoted as saying that this guy should have been dead. In another, it is explained that Sungaila (after a night of heavy drinking) had a pint of beer for breakfast before he got in the car. Apparently no one was hurt, which I guess makes this OK to laugh about. Cause damn. That's a lot of drinkin'.

Et tu, Spin?

2006-05-23T15:49:00.000-05:00

Spin got a redesign along with its new editor in chief for the June issue. As a result, the magazine, to which I've subscribed since high school, is going in a terrible new direction. Shorter articles. Less music. More gossip. And lots and lots and lots of pictures. There's nothing wrong with making something reader friendly, but Spin has gone too far. Here's the breakdown.

New Section
The newly minted "Barometer" section features a hodgepodge of national news with a hipster tilt in addition to recycled industry gossip and insider secrets. Problem is, Spin comes out once a month. So anything remotely "cutting edge" or "hip" seems ridiculously out of place by the time the magazine hits the racks. Case in point, the main feature in Barometer for the June issue is about that statue of Britney Spears birthing a child on a bearskin rug. I mean, c'mon. That was like so six weeks ago! Also, they just have these ridiculous news stories. Two in the June issue, one about the Paris riots (again, old news) and one about a rave in Seattle (relevance?).

Sex
Barometer also features a new sex column (gasp!) from Joanna Angel, an alt porn star for BurningAngel.com. It's poorly written and features some really terrible advice. To one reader she writes, Wow. You have a girlfriend and you still use a condom?! I don't know if I should give you a medal or slap you across the face. Apparently it's hip to be irresponsible?

Articles
There are only two main articles about music in the magazine for the June issue. The rest are Q&A's. With Carrie Underwood, Davey Havok (of AFI), Dave of (Matthew's Band), and Sheryl Crow to name a few. It's like the bottom of the barrel in terms of reporting tactics. No stories. No nothing.

Columns
And as if the other stuff wasn't bad enough, they did away with Chuck Klosterman's column. Chuck Klosterman! He was the back-page bread and butter. Funny. Smart. Topical. How can you ditch one of the best columnists in the country?! And replace him with a porn star with an English degree? Chuck wasn't hard to read. He was funny.

So what's the point of all this? And why does it matter? Well, it's about journalism, people. And that fine line between giving the people what they want and making it something meaningful. Even for editorial content that doesn't really matter -- the pop culture of Spin, for example -- there has to be some standard. This dumbing down of writing is going to be bad news for business. I'm all for accessibility. But this is ridiculous.

So dark the con of man

2006-05-22T11:13:00.000-05:00

Despite all the terrible reviews it's been getting (in addition to a scolding from the Vatican), "The Da Vinci Code" managed to stay on top of the box office this weekend, according to estimates.

While the film didn't set a domestic box office record, it was the largest weekend opening of the year so far and became the second largest worldwide release after "Star Wars: Episode III." It garnered some $224 million worldwide, according to Sony Pictures.

The movie also was the best domestic opening for star Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard. That's pretty big. I mean, that's even bigger than "Big." Which was huge.

Can't wait to see it.

It's chicken with mashed potatoes and corn and gravy and cheese ... IN A BOWL!

2006-05-21T22:24:00.000-05:00

KFC's new hot bowls, which feature the aforementioned ingredients, look disgusting. I thought they were harbingers of a gluttonous apocalypse. Turns out, they're actually part of the chain's monthslong campaign to become more hip. And healthy?

Aw-KWARD!

2006-05-20T14:05:00.000-05:00

The Vice President's daughter, who is openly gay, was on "Letterman" last night to promote her new book, "Now it's My Turn." Her conversation with America's favorite former weather man went something like this...

Letterman: Don't you think it's kinda, you know, hypocritical to support an administration that so fervently opposes equal rights for gays and lesbians?

Cheney: No, Dave. No I don't

Letterman: Really?

Cheney: Yes.

Two things. First, Mary Cheney is her father's daughter. She was flat out mean to poor old Dave, who lost his balance and just fumbled through the whole interview. She repeatedly called him out on not having read the book and returned many of his innocuous comments with snide quips and bitchiness. Second, Dave is a fool for not having read the book before he interviewed the daughter of one of the most powerful people in the world. I mean, he didn't even make an effort to correct her after she mentioned his not knowing what it was about.

The moral of the story? Stick to Top 10 lists.

Top Ten Signs Your Monkey Is A Genius
10. Won 30 grand on Jeopardy's monkey week
9. Only guy in your house that has any idea what's happening on "Lost"
8. Got 1600 on the monkey SAT's
7. Bought Chiquita at $1.50 a share
6. Banned from all casinos for card counting
5. Will only eat bananas if they've been flambeed with rum
4. Uses his tail to make adorable shadow puppets of today's hottest stars
3. Knows the recipe for a dynamite banana daiquiri
2. The NSA hired him to wire all of your fruits and vegetables
1. Long ago, he warned his cousin Bubbles to stay the hell away from Michael Jackson

Él es muy estúpido.

2006-05-19T13:01:00.000-05:00

The Senate yesterday approved an effort backed by Jim Inhofe, R-Okla., to establish English as the national language. North Carolina Sens. Liddy Dole and Richard Burr voted in favor of the measure. The three were disappointed, however, when a second motion was raised to make English the "common and unifying language" of the nation. No one had seen deliberations like this since congressmen voted to rename the fries in their cafeteria to reflect an anti-diplomacy campaign against France.

Of course, everyone missed the boat on this one. They should have voted to make American the official language of the United States.

From the bill...

...unless otherwise authorized or provided by law, no person has a right, entitlement or claim to have the government of the U.S. or any of its officials or representatives act, communicate, perform or provide services, or provide materials in any language other than English."

S o how do you say "retarded" in Spanish?

Did somebody say blockbusters?

2006-05-18T13:59:00.000-05:00

"The Da Vinci Code" (opens tomorrow!)
Tom Hanks stars as the enigmatic Robert Langdon in this adaptation of Dan Brown's bestselling heresy book of same name. Woe be to any movie that opens May 19, for surely it will be smote by the hand of Ron Howard. People have been talking about this one since last summer when Westminster Abbey refused to let the crew film on its premises.

X-Men: The Last Stand (May 26)
It'll be tough to top 2003's "X2," but chances are the third installment of the X-men franchise might be able to do it. All hell is set to break loose when a "cure" is found for mutants, sparking a standoff between those loyal to professor Xavier and those under the wing of Magneto. With Dr. Fraiser Crane as Beast, though, things surely will work out for the best.

The Break-Up (June 2)
A date movie that doesn't suck? Audiences can expect nothing less from Vince Vaughn these days, and "The Break-Up" looks like no exception. Filmed on location in Chicago last summer, the roving set (and posh downtown hotels) were the proving grounds for Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's budding relationship. For people who care about stuff like that.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (July 7)
The follow-up to 2003's surprise hit, this cinematic adventure story is sure to top the excitement any Disneyland animatronic robot could ever offer. All the gang is back as caption Jack Sparrow strives to save his immortal soul from the depths of Davy Jones' locker. Or something like that. Point is, Keira Knightley is hot.

Snakes on a Plane (Aug. 18)
Sam Jackson + Snakes + a Plane + the Fword = Dolla Dolla Bills.

See it for the irony. See it for the snakes. See it just to prove the point that, yes, Americans are that stupid. And yes, we will fork over large sums of money for nothing more than spectacle. I cannot wait.

Good for you, Nick. Good for you.

2006-05-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

Nick Lachey of "Newlyweds" fame has a solo album out, and apparently it's doing pretty well. I haven't heard any of it outside the samples at the end of the afternoon MTV shows, but from what I have heard it sounds like it's a whole hell of a lot better than anything he did with 98 Degrees. Rolling Stone reported today that the album, aptly titled What's Left of Me (get it?), is number two on the charts, selling 172,000 discs.

And at No. 1? The Red Hot Chili Peppers, with Stadium Arcadium. The band sold nearly half a million copies of its ninth studio album, the magazine reported. Don't know how I feel about that one. Honestly, I'm getting kinda tired of hearing songs about how great California is. Also, the last time I went to a RHCP show in Charlotte, it rained and someone got electrocuted and died. Just bad karma, man. Bad karma.

Does that make me crazy?

2006-05-16T23:14:00.000-05:00

Part DJ Danger Mouse and part Cee-Lo, the Gnarls Barkley collaboration is freakin' sweet. It's been out for a while (No. 1 in the UK for seven weeks), but we can't all be news-breaking hipsters. It's still worth mentioning here. Especially for the benefit of all those people who say there's no good new music coming out. Check out the hit single, Crazy, at the group's Myspace page. You won't be disappointed.

R.I.P. Jon Stewart

2006-05-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

It's sad but true. Sometime between when I stopped watching TV on a daily basis and now, when I've started again, Jon Stewart has become irrelevant. His show's not funny anymore and his politics have become kind of annoying. It was better when he would lampoon everyone. Take down "the man" one guy at a time. Make stupid people look stupid. Instead of what he does now, which is simple, monotonous Bush bashing. I mean, Bush is a great target, but he's not the only one. And therein lies the problem.

Stewart's comedy has taken a back seat to his politics. The premise was golden when he took over "The Daily Show" show from the detestable Craig Kilborn in 1998 -- make relevant social commentary in a new and interesting way, thereby capturing the attention of the apathetic demographics and (possibly) affecting change. Then, sometime during the 2000 presidential race, it became this -- proselytize in such a way that it can still be masked as entertainment, thereby pushing away only a small segment of the show's demographic and (still possibly) affecting change. Today it is this -- Soapbox, and pretend that anything said on the show will affect change, which it does not.

Stewart's shtick has become cliche. And it's being emulated by lesser comedians. Somewhere between combining entertainment and social commentary, the comedy news shows have become neither. They don't inform and they don't entertain. The solution? A show that knows where it's loyalties lie. I give you...

"The Soup."

E!'s broadcast gossip rag is about as shallow as it gets. But what makes it so great is that it doesn't strive to be anything more than it is. Host Joel McHale is well aware of the show's frivolity, and he uses this knowledge to make his one-liners about reality TV shows and talk-show bloopers, whether good or bad, come off sounding hilarious. Entertainment for entertainment's sake. Nothing wrong with that.

Read newspapers for political information. For everything else, "The Soup" is easy to digest.

To a lady I love

2006-05-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

In honor of mother's day I have to give a shout out to my momma, who is one of the smartest and craziest people I know. Today, she and I discussed the probability that ghosts exist. Long story short, she thinks they do. And she bases this on her understanding of absolute zero, the theoretical temperature at which molecules, in effect, stop moving. I mean, I'm not saying she's wrong. I'm just saying she probably is. Either way, how can you not love someone who bases her theory of ghosts on the laws of physics?!

Over and out.

Don't Fuck With Animals.

2006-05-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

Don't fuck with leopards. Don't fuck with alligators. And do not fuck with lions.

Hi. There. How Are Things?

2006-05-12T20:51:00.000-05:00

This guy's song was on the radio for the ten millionth time today. It demands inspection. Highlights italicized.

Ms New Booty Lyrics (feat. Ying Yang Twins)

[Intro: Collipark, Bubba Sparxxx]

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]
I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [3x]

[1st verse (Bubba Sparxxx)]
Girl I don't need you, but chu need me
Take it off, let if flop, shake it freely
And I don't tell stories, I let em tell theyself
And you aint gotta sell sex, girl, it sells itself, Like nothing else
Yeah I'm a country boy, but that big city bottom fill me up with joy
Aint life grand (life's grand) livin up daddy
Here go da whisper song, baby this is us ready?
Put it on me enthusiastically, what ever it is that chu do, you do it admirably
And I aint choose it, that thang chose me
Its bubba and ying yang, all the way in this thang
YO!

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]
I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [3x]

[2nd Verse]
Quarter to twelve and we just getting in
Bubba gonna make ya spark wit da Ying Yang Twins
Sippin on patron, blong blong blong
Shawdy in a thong, whom whom whom
Ass get da jiggling, MOTHER FUCKING WIGGLYING
Get that thang shakin, like she frost bit shivering
Ass be delivering, all type of flashes, cashes
Got these hoes shaking that molasses
SHHHHHH
Let me whisper in your ear
Get your self together go and buy some new gear
Something with your hair den
Hit da club, shake ya ass and da brothuhz gonna sho some love
Do that move ya did just a minute ago
I guarantee you'll make all da dough
So gon do ya thing baby, work what chu got, to get what chu want
Make that money, don't let it make u

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]
I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [3x]

[3rd Verse (Bubba Sparxxx)]
hi there, how are things?
I once was breast man now it seems
Ever since I had the pleasure
of getting you together, your chest is just whatever
I found the buried treasured
Yes ma'am, heres the plan
Meet me over yonder ok- don't play
Ill bring the whip whoop, you bring your cook book
And ima fix that stuff up, everything is good good

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]
Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]
I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [3x]

So. A couple of things. First, I thought the line was get it right get it right. Not get it ripe get it right. A lesson to always look up the lyrics. Second, Will and I are talking about how this post doesn't matter.

Creepy

2006-05-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

The Daily Tar Heel posted undated breaking news today on its Web site. City writer extraordinare Shannan Bowen apparently wrote letters to Mohammad Taheri-Azar, the guy who drove a rented SUV through the Pit in an attempt to kill people, demanding answers to some 39 questions about the events of March 3. The paper posted Taheri-Azar's multi-page response in PDF to its Web site. Read through them. They're illuminating and also very disturbing.

Say what you will, but...

2006-05-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

"The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" is actually a pretty good movie. It surprisingly explores issues of race, sex, economics and adolescence in ways that don't suck. It's a true bildungsroman story of four girls who, despite their different shapes and sizes, share a pair of magical pants that brings them good and bad luck and teaches a life lesson in the end. I haven't seen anything this good since "Now and Then." Plus, Blake Lively (far right) is hot.

No. Shame.

Of all the ways to damage your liver ...

2006-05-09T15:23:00.000-05:00

So magician David Blaine, famous for his ability to concoct zany public endurance stunts, has done it again.

The man who has been buried in a see-through coffin for a week, survived in a block of ice for 61 hours and fasted for 44 days (take that, Jesus) while hanging in a box over the Thames river was discharged from the hospital today after suffering liver damage related to his fishbowl stunt in New York.

The stunt, in which Blaine was submerged in water for a week, was supposed to be the icing on the cake before the magician's attempt to break the world record for holding one's breath (8:58) Monday. Blaine was able to go breathless for seven minutes and eight seconds before he was taken to the hospital for side effects related to weeklong underwater submergence.

The AP reported today that, aside from wrinkly skin and "pins and needles" in his feet and hands, Blaine suffered liver damage as a result of the fishbowl.

Now perhaps it is a little cynical, but excuse me for not caring. I mean, it's pretty hard to sympathize with someone who, through his own perverse decision-making processes, found himself in a fishbowl for a week in the middle of New York City. And then found out that doing that screws up your liver. Give me a break.

I hope he gets better, and I hope that scientists can learn about the effects of weeklong publicity stunts. So that the livers of our children's generation will be free from harm.

Word of the day

2006-05-08T14:42:00.000-05:00

Diagesis - That which is contained within the world of the film. If a character is listening to music on the radio as he drives his car, the music you and he are hearing is diagetic. If the character is seen driving his car while a musical score is heard, the music you are hearing is not diagetic. "Why is this important?" you ask. It's exam week!

No, your momma!

2006-05-07T23:56:00.000-05:00

That MTV has cooked up a show to rival the stupidity of Ashton Kutcher's "Punk'd" is inspiring.

That it's produced by Kutcher's "70s Show" cohort Wilmer Valderrama is intriguing.

That the following jokes were uttered on "Yo Momma" without anyone batting an eye. That, my friends, is apacolyptic.

"You're Momma's so poor, the last time she had a job the minimum wage was slavery!"

Followed by ...

"You're Momma's so fat, the underground railroad wasn't underground until she sat on it!"

Oh, racism tinged with maternal animosity!

The Honored Guests

2006-05-07T21:27:00.000-05:00

The Honored Guests are a Chapel Hill band.

They live here.

They record music here.

And they play shows here.

Now, after the success of their 2004 debut, the Guests have left no doubt that their music is a product of the place they call home. A delightful mix of atmospheric effects and indie-pop sensibilities, the band's sophomore release, Tastes Change, is the kind of unpretentious rock that is always appropriate for a college town.

Its relaxed design, washed over with distortions and other effects, is strung together on the premise that no matter how interesting a sound might be, an album still has to be coherent. Experimentation is great, but people need substance.

And while Tastes Change experiments where others might toe the line, nothing seems unnecessary or over-the-top. Simply put, there is a purpose for the production techniques. And there is pop in the pastiche.

As a whole, the album is an aggregate of quirky noise and cooled guitars, sprinkled with a healthy dose of indie spice. Peaks and troughs in the album's energy take the listener on a sonic ride that doesn't leave time for distractions.

Tracks such as "Say You Will," which pops with a clicking chorus and heavy backing from adroit guitars, provide welcome sugar, but the album is no cakewalk.

Sober numbers such as "Sharpened Tooth" leave the listener with a salty taste in the mouth. The album's track list plays a satisfying game of back-and-forth that results in a balanced LP with effortless transitions.

This, of course, is coming from a band that pays attention to detail. The band's debut took cues from Ben Folds Five alumnus Robert Sledge, who ensured that everything about it was on point. And Tastes Change, despite the flip-flopping its title suggests, is no different. There is a kind of precision that comes through on the album that can't be faked, and it carries across the album's duration.

The bottom line?

The Honored Guests have produced a well-balanced LP that tries some sounds on for size but doesn't stray far from the formula that makes Chapel Hill bands so great.

They'll be welcome here for a long time to come.